Mending Damaged Work Relationships

[Skye]

As I was reading for something to answer one comment in this forum, I stumbled upon the Harvard Business Review site (www.hbr.org). This led me to read this article https://hbr.org/2020/02/how-to-mend-..._item_page.bot tom.

The intro struck me. "When these relationships are strong, they can be a source of energy, learning, and support. But when they fracture, even just temporarily, they become sources of frustration that harm both people and organizations. Left unchecked, even a small conflict can spiral out of control, leading to anger and resentment. "

How do you mend damaged work relationships? Are all damaged work relationships worth mending?

[Gerhard]

There are some things that are not meant to be trifled with. I think things happen for a purpose which others can say is fate but then there is the human factor that things still needs to be repaired to keep the workplace trouble-free.

[Skye]

I am not sure what you mean, Gerhard. Can you elaborate?

Are you saying that when workplace relationships are damaged, this is because of fate?

[Gerhard]

I believe that things happen for a reason. No matter how one wishes for a positive (or negative) outcome of things, there is just a higher purpose to why things happen. Been there, done that.

[Bjun]

For me, it depends on the type of damage. If it's just work-related and nothing personal, then it's something that I can deal with. But, if they just don't like me and it's affecting my work, then that may be an issue that needs assistance with HR or the supervisors.

I've experienced "power-tripping" in my previous job simply because this girl thought I liked a guy she's in to. She happened to be close friends with my supervisor and managed to convince her to transfer me to a different department in a different building. She made my life at work quite difficult and it just wasn't worth it anymore. When I filed my resignation, my supervisor asked me to stay because they lacked manpower and even threatened to withhold my final pay if I leave. As the article said, some damages cannot be repaired and it's better to walk away from it.

[Kamille]

Like any other types of relationships, I think you have to contemplate if the relationship is worth fixing. If it is, I think its better to take the high road, apologize for whatever you did and did not do that made them hostile to you, and just let bygones be bygones. The workplace is already stressful enough to deal with conflicts. If it isn't worth the effort, I'd just act civil and focus on my work.

[Skye]

It takes two to tango. When you have already done your part in addressing the issue, the ball is in their court. Whatever their reaction is, respond accordingly. I hope that shots won't be fired and no one gets caught in the crossfire.

[jcoppi29]

It would highly depend on the damage, and the willingness of parties involved to make amends -- which is a rarity by itself. The generic average tendency of the human being is to establish superiority and find "tribes"they belong in, make an "us vs you" situation out of most conflicted scenarios, let the emotions complicate things, let the ego and other such vanities get in the way etc etc. These are things among many others I find annoying to see in any conflict as manifested by the many parties included. It's one of the ill traits we inherited from apes after all -- tribalism.

To drive this generic average tendency further, it's the same that makes wars in the modern age still a thing -- you can see this pattern manifest even if social media comment sections or wherever there is such a divide. Humans generally don't want to get along more, rather, they prefer being either the most powerful or most correct, and to be in a tribe that seems so -- more than they want actual resolution. Otherwise, from what I observed, it's just like a volcano all over again: explosions of conflict after prolonged passive aggression, and repeat.

After having a wounded healer's fatigue that kept me in the rut for years, I've stopped trying to bridge people that don't want to bridge, nor help them if they themselves don't want or think they don't need help. I generally just let them be, and leave them to experience the harsher consequences of their reactive actions. Whenever I'm presented that situation, I just make sure I don't get dragged into it -- though if they make that a point, I may just get lazy and go average in dealing with such -- by giving in to the ape brain modules in my genes as they have.

[Lou]

Just as Bjun said, if it's work-related, I can deal with it. But, if it gets personal and it starts to affect my work, it's a different thing. Some things are really hard to mend. Is it worth mending a wounded work relationship? Hmmm, I don't really care. Some people are just so messed up, they just want to feel power over others by disguising themselves as the sheep when in fact, they are the wolves.

I'd rather focus on my tasks. Some people are just so hard to deal with, it's exhausting just talking to them. So, why waste my energy on them? I typically only react when my work is affected or when my personal life is dragged into the situation. Other than that, I really don't care. ✌✌✌

[mjmnl]

I also have this mindset. We are not getting any younger and it is just smart to let things go. Stop caring about what other people are thinking about you as long as it doesn't affect you and your loved ones. As you mentioned, some people are just messed up. They won't stop until they prove that they have power over you. Sometimes, they can do horrible things just to prove a point. My note to myself is to not get affected, they'll stop when they don't get the attention that they craved for.

[kdy]

I Agree mjmnl . I used to think that I need to have a personal relationship with my work mates. I am thankful for the friends I gained in the workplace, but I don't think that I should be looking for a personal relationship with workmates. If a friendship developed, that is great. If not, that is okay.

I am not saying that we should not build relationships nor mend damaged work relationships. Maybe, just to maintain a work relationship that can be managed by work ethics and civil gestures despite conflicts. That way, we don't get affected by office trivia. Surely, there would be issues, but we can definitely leave these issues at work when we log off if relationships are not personal

[mjmnl]

That's on point kdy. It's good to have a boundary between your work life and personal life. If your personal relationship with your workmate is already affecting your productivity or performance at work, I think it's better to just keep things professional. In my opinion, it's better to try to at least mend the workplace relationship (if still possible) and let go of the friendship outside work. But then, if it has got you thinking about leaving your work for good no matter how much you enjoy and love your it, then that's toxic. Don't let it affect you so much, cut the negative energy cords.

[Indelible_Mark]

In so many years of work it never did occur to me that there are 'type of damage' on work relationships. Makes me wonder what other definitions of 'work' there are...If work is the act of producing value then it is simple enough to say that anything that disrupts one's productivity is...uh...damage? I'm not seeing any 'type of damage' but must admit there are 'degrees' of damage like severe-moderate-slight-nodamage...

There is also the idea that work is a collective effort...no one comes to the workplace in their right mind intending to cripple the work..its just counter-productive and entirely defeats the purpose of 'coming to work'. If that were the intentions then a saboteur is among us and needs to be chucked out albeit immediately! As a business owner I would not want saboteurs but I would desire innovators and probably admire disruptors...people who draw creative changes and jars each of us from our comfort zones.

How to discern between criminals and revolutionaries? who do you keep? --eternal questions that separates the good from the excellent leaders in the workplace.

[Skye]

Believe me, there are people who are not in their right minds. They sabotage and point fingers. They exist.

[Gerhard]

Some people also love to steal food from the fridge. Believe me, some just don't know how to respect other folks fridge space and "mistakenly" eat or gobble up food that is not even theirs. I have been a victim of such sabotage and only way to get back at whoever that did it was to eat someone else's food too lol.

[Skye]

Gerhard, I hope those who ate your food on the fridge did not play the victim card. Or it may be worse, like someone who believes he or she did no wrong.

[jcoppi29]

These days, considering how rampant the divides are between many many different sets of opposing sides anywhere, I only ignore. If humans want to maximize and use the part of their genes that we got from apes more often to the point that it gets passed on as a debilitating contagion, unseen and all, I figured, they should reap the consequences of their ignorance and lack of self-awareness.

So whenever I see a polarizing topic and see signs of that ape instinct we got from ancestors past, I stop holding on to it as if it's a hot cup of tea not worth the sip.

[Skye]

jcoppi29, isn't it just so entertaining? I wanna throw in more fuel to the fire or just fan the flames at times. But then I might get burned. They never run out of reasons to fight anyway. So when they are in "embers," I just wait for another flare up.

Jus to add, I hate it when they try to get you on their side when the pot calls the kettle black. The hypocrisy!

[jcoppi29]

@skye

Lmao. at one point, I even considered being their unifying factor. As the saying goes, human nations will unite if there is a superior alien race threatening to wipe out the species. Most conflicts got resolved in such a manner, sadly, especially during wars, wherein the common enemy led to the most unexpected alliance -- and I think I can play the role in my case.

[Skye]

jcoppi29, the movie Independence Day came to mind. But I don't wanna play the alien. hahaha...