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Dealing with Rejection

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  • Skye
    commented on 's reply
    I agree that perspective plays a vital role in dealing with rejection. Immediately after a rejection, I do feel sad and sometimes, even angry. However, I have learned to see rejection as a redirection. Not this way, that way. I do allow myself that sulking period. It's only normal, right?

  • Lou
    commented on 's reply
    Kamille Right! I love Meet The Robinsons. A great movie, indeed. We all can learn a lot about rejection and failure from this movie. 🥰🥰🥰

  • Skye
    commented on 's reply
    You learn more with pain. Maybe that is why we have corporal punishments. For us to remember that negative experience and remember the lesson that goes with it.

  • Kamille
    commented on 's reply
    That 'Keep moving forward' line reminds me of the animated movie Meet the Robinsons, which actually is a great movie about rejection and failure. Its how we battle our negative emotions from rejection that can shape our future. Every rejection is a lesson if we look at it with the right mindset. Remember what happened to the Bowler Hat Guy just because he can't accept what happened to him the day before his adoption interview. "We can learn a lot from failure and rejection, from success? not so much".

  • jcoppi29
    commented on 's reply
    Yup. For the most part, painful negative experiences in general really leave a mark. Such instances release memory-enhancing functions/chemicals that deepen the process of remembering the pain. Evolutionarily speaking, this helped humans never forget big mistakes or traumatic experiences whose later management ultimately changed cultures and habits around particular experiences -- such as falling off a cliff, trying to punch a tiger, and all that.

    We inherit such traumas and aversions for a reason because we're designed to perceive anything negative, threatening, internal or external much more than pleasurable stuff. Though downside is its excess, such as how trauma really reshapes the brain and brings about PTSD.

  • jcoppi29
    commented on 's reply
    @kdy

    Yup. Learning, ideally, shouldn't stop. In fact, it is recommended to keep learning and growing throughout the human life span as it prevents the degradation of mental faculties -- intellectual, emotional aspects among others. I saw this podcast between Lex Fridman and and Manolis Kellis (evolutionary psych) tackling why some people stop growing -- they talked about the idea or illusion of one "being enough and totally adequate" is a central factor.

    Once adults get to the point that they're so sure of themselves, they no longer see it relevant or necessary to learn other things, accelerating their personal mental decline. Even Neil deGrasse Tyson proposed finding something out new, like a wow fact, every day.

    As for stoicism and mental health stuff, Jordan Peterson is a cool one, however politically controversial for most liberals these days. Stoicism also talks about the "one day/hour/month/week at a time" approach as well to contest the typical destination-based mindset that makes things feel like chores -- it's everything about the big goal and the destination, not the small steps that make a big step or the journey.

  • kdy
    commented on 's reply
    You may be right @jcoppi 29 . That is why I always tell my children - It doesn't matter where they presently stand. How they will go forward is what matters. Also, while looking back may help in the learning process, it is more important that we are able to see things presently. So if they come falling down, I hope they remember that it's how they will go forward again that counts.

    There are things that I am also still learning. Imagine... even at my age... I have yet lots to learn.
    Last edited by kdy; 12-01-2020, 10:58 AM.

  • Skye
    replied
    Not all rejections are actually your failures.

    Sometimes, it is just not a match with the qualifications needed. Sometimes, it is your idea being rejected, not you.

    And yes, sometimes, it is you being rejected. And you gotta deal with that, somehow. Each person deals with it differently. Unfortunately, some cannot get past the rejection.

    Leave a comment:


  • jcoppi29
    commented on 's reply
    I agree that healthy competition earlier on should be a thing considering it warms people up to the reality of failure, thus, better coping when it comes to competition.

    However, there are also situations that kinda hit too close to home for me. Competition and exposure does breed character but some pedestals are so high, falling from them hurts even more. Like, the brighter the light, the darker the shadow -- the higher the rise, the harder the fall.

    In my childhood, I used to be a top tier in the niches I'm engrossed in like sports, chess, public speaking, and at one point, I was considered a talented psych major by my professors, but life happens and sometimes, it derails one so bad.

    It just becomes this enfeebling fear of breaking one's legs again after a bad fall from the top. Some failures generally lead to injuries that get mended over time while some remain as scars, or bases of comparison too hard to beat.

    In such a situation, people stop striving not because they fear rejection but because they no longer want to go that high and drop hard again, especially if the last crash was close to fatal -- all the while being haunted by the peak achievement days and the expectations of the many others who witnessed that point in time.

  • Lou
    replied
    Rejection is part of life. It is something you cannot shield yourself from. However, as the saying goes, you cannot control 90% of the things happening around you but you have 10% that you can. Perspective plays a vital role when dealing with rejection. Yes, you may not be able to control how people respond to you. However, you can control the way you respond to them. You may sulk, wallow, and feel sad after a painful rejection but, you cannot be sulking forever, right? One way or another, you still have the choice to get up and go through your day. You will have other opportunities. Just keep moving forward.

    Leave a comment:


  • Bjun
    commented on 's reply
    Skye Being "ignorant" of office politics really helped. That time, I thought they promotion people based on performance instead of how close you are to the managers and directors. I've had jobs where I didn't bother applying for a promotion because I know they would promote based on who they liked and not on who is more qualified. It just wasn't worth the rejection. hahahah

  • mjmnl
    commented on 's reply
    Such an inspiring article! Thank you for sharing. Ever since I heard this certain life lesson from my Data Models and Optimization professor, I decided to live based on it. As he mentioned: "In life, you'll always regret the things you never did than the things you did." We may fail and wished that we never did our action. But I think, there are bigger regrets with "what ifs". Do the things you've always wanted to try when the opportunity arises and as long as you can still do it.

  • Kamille
    replied
    We all have experienced rejection. Its part of life. Even Stephen King's first book was rejected by more than 30 publishers, and Meryl Streep was asked to quit acting. I found this article of stories of rejection from successful people. Bottom-line? They never gave up. They did not treat rejection like a failure, instead they got back out there and kept trying.
    https://medium.com/@meteor2sky/rejec...d-c40d6c200c94

    Leave a comment:


  • Kamille
    commented on 's reply
    There are just too many regrets when you let fear take over your decision making. I can count a number of instances, like when I refused to submit an article on the school publication just because I was afraid it was not good enough. When I think about it now, I regret not having to know if it was. Some of us got over this fear; while some of us are still up in the corner doubting themselves because of fear. I learned that its better to be rejected and move on rather than shy away from opportunities. I found this article with helpful tips to refrain us from keeping the fear of rejection hold us back. https://www.heysigmund.com/getting-o...ke-you-own-it/

  • Indelible_Mark
    commented on 's reply
    Yep. That 'devil may care' attitude sounds like rejection is not even worth losing sleep over. Hakuna matata right?

    While anyone can claim that there is the innate desire to conform and be one with the herd, it is 'standing out' that makes for leaders of any group. So much fear where there is nothing to be afraid of...
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